Change Is Coming

It happens every summer in SoCal.  The clouds roll in, the humidity rises and we’re left with the dreary weather known as “June gloom.”

Perhaps you’re like me and the cloudy atmosphere bogs you down.  I can handle a few days without the sunshine, but this year my gloom has less to do with the weather and more to do with change.

It’s no secret that many Californians are exiting the state for new territory.  Lately, it seems that every time I check my Facebook feed, someone new is announcing their big move to a different state.  They might even post a picture of the humongous new home they purchased for a fraction of California costs.  

“Good for them.”  

“I hope they’re happy there.”

All easy to say, until it’s one of your dearest friends.

Then Come The Feelings

As a mom, you know how difficult it can be to form your tribe of friends whose children get along with your children (total bonus!).  So when one of your tribe members has to go, it can be quite painful.

Humans are relational beings who need physical contact. It’s okay to be sad, even though your logical mind tells you that you can still utilize technology to keep in touch.  What the head knows does not stop the heart from the hurt.    

I’d like to offer a few ways to handle the change of a relationship with love and grace.

  1.  Honor your feelings.  Allow yourself to be sad and feel deeply.  The loss of frequent interaction with an impactful person in your life can cause much grief.  Cry without shame or embarrassment.  Allowing your children to see you cry can give them permission to do the same and start a conversation about how you handle difficult feelings in your home. 
  2. Soothe in a healthy way.  Be extra kind to yourself when you’re feeling down.  Do things that bring you joy and help you to relax.  A leisurely stroll, warm bath, or hugs from someone you love and trust are great ways to lift your spirits.  It’s best to avoid eating your feelings, but should you indulge in a comfort food, don’t beat yourself up about it.  Give yourself compassion.
  3. Let it be.  Realize that change is inevitable and anticipate good to come from it.  By doing so, your hands will be ready to receive a new blessing in your life.  Accept the change with joy for what is to come as you and your dear one enter a new chapter of life.
  4. Take your time.  Know that you won’t see this person as often and don’t feel rushed to find a replacement, which might seem impossible anyway.  Be the kind of person that you want to discover in your own life.  If you want a loyal, trustworthy, and fun loving friend, then be one.  We get what we give, so project goodness and it will come.  
  5. Be willing to share.  Your person blessed your life richly and now the time has come for them to impact others. It may very well be time for you to be a blessing.  We can become so comfortable in our own bubble, that we forget who else is out there.  Share your qualities with others.  You’re pretty amazing! 

Shift Of Weather

Lastly, I’d like to add that you aren’t the only one who will struggle with this change.  Your friend will still need you to be by her side as she transitions into a new location.  Keep the lines of communication open, selflessly lending an ear when she’s struggling. 

Be happy for her and with her.  You may even discover that her move only deepened your relationship as you intentionally sought out ways to connect.  Cherish the moments that you had knowing that when you do see each other it will be so much sweeter.

 

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Tara is a small town California girl from the Central Valley. She met her best friend turned husband shortly after high school. They met at a Hot Topic, while she was "shopping" at the mall. He was the cute emo kid from Simi Valley that her heart couldn't resist. Nearly twenty years later, they have 3 children ages 13, 8, and 6. Tara is a Licensed Cosmetologist, Certified Personal Trainer, Health Coach, and SAHHM (stay at home homeschooling mom). She attributes her appreciation for witnessing beauty and transformation to leading her to wear many hats. Whether it's changing a hairstyle, one's physique, increasing knowledge or changing one's point of view, she's passionate about helping others become their personal best. When she's not leading a workout or teaching her kids, you'll find her at a local mexican restaurant (because tacos are life), visiting a museum, hiking, or listening to live music. Tara is proud to be a contributor for the Ventura County Mom Collective. "I hope to encourage more women to honor their bodies and use their personal gifts, so that collectively, we can make a greater impact in this world."

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