First, my moment of gratitude and joy for today. I am grateful for the warm sun, oh it feels so good. What are you grateful for? What brings you joy?

Let Me Tell You Something About Me

I have previously shared that I was in a physically abusive relationship 26 years ago. If you read my book, Finding Strength In The Dark, you know the story. I stayed in the relationship because I didn’t feel worthy of being strong and loving myself. I eventually found my inner dimmer switch, turned on the light and found the strength to leave, even though it meant living in my car (until it was repossessed).

I was angry at him. I was angry at myself. I was angry at the world. I was angry at God. I had decided I would give everyone the ultimate consequence (myself included) by being angry, lost, bitter, mean and I punished myself by making poor decisions for my life. I was angry all the time and questioned my whole existence.

Someone once asked me, “do you forgive yourself”? I responded with “why would I ever need to forgive myself? I have done nothing wrong”, and I thanked that person with some four letter words, walked away and didn’t speak with them for a very long time. I felt as if forgiveness gave people the opportunity to step on me and not face the consequences of their actions, and at this point in my life everyone deserved consequences, myself included. As long as I was angry, hurt and filled with resentment those people were getting what they deserved.

The truth is I was only hurting myself. Nobody else was feeling the “punishment” but I felt it every day, I lived it, I breathed it, I became the “punishment”.

Is Forgiveness Hard?

The lack of forgiveness and the need for forgiveness is one of the biggest challenges many of us face.  Most of us think that forgiveness means accepting someone’s apology, condoning their behavior or having a conversation that tells them what they did is or is not okay.

Look up the definition of forgiveness. Go ahead, this blog will still be here when you get done…

If you read the definition as I did, I am sure it said something similar, to stop feeling angry or resentful. You don’t have to tell the person anything, it’s not talking to the person, it’s not sitting down with the person. The only thing forgiveness requires is that you make the decision to stop feeling anger and resentful to someone. Yourself included.

I am sure you are thinking, “yeah in some cases it’s just not that easy, Annette”.  Isn’t it though? I learned that another person cannot experience my emotion in any other way. My abuser didn’t know any of my emotions and he never felt punished, but I knew and felt all my emotions and actions, including punishment. If you somehow feel that by not forgiving someone it serves you and is hurting them, you are wrong! These painful feelings of anger and resentment were not serving me, they were hurting me, from the inside out.

Why Are You Feeling Angry? Why Are You Feeling Resentful?

Of course I was angry, I was being abused in one of the worst ways. But year(s) later my anger was no longer coming from the abuse, it was coming from my thoughts about the abuse. Yes, I was able to heal in some ways. I married the most loving and gentle man and built a beautiful family, but I still felt anger and resentment towards the abuse that happened some eight years prior (to meeting my husband). Until, I learned a very valuable life lesson that I want to share with you and this life lesson applies not just to forgiveness.

Our thoughts determine how we feel. Our feelings are protected by our thoughts.

I didn’t allow myself to fully embrace healing because my thoughts wouldn’t allow me to feel anything other than anger and resentment towards the past. It was my thoughts that were creating feelings of anger and other horrible feelings that dragged me down to the lowest vibrations possible. My thoughts wouldn’t allow me to move on.

It’s when I learned this lesson that I chose to change my thoughts and forgive him AND myself. My thoughts turned from “he ruined my life”, to “I saved my life. I am so strong” and when I was able to change my thoughts I let go of the anger and resentment and I felt free, and for the first time truly knew inside that I was a  survivor.

I learned that the past is just a story I kept telling myself but it would no longer affect me because I finished the book and threw it away and because I chose every day to focus on the current, my life today, my dreams, the things I am grateful for and the joy that surrounds me.

RELATED TOPIC: Spring Clean Your Thoughts

And That is Forgiveness…

So whatever you are facing, please take a minute to breathe deeply, reach for your inner warrior, take a minute and really focus on changing your thoughts. Choose today as the day. If you want a different outcome, you need to change your thoughts.

Please take what you need from this post and share it with those that can benefit from my words….and if nobody has told you yet today, I believe in you!

Abuse is never okay! If you are in an abusive situation I urge you to get help.

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Annette Pearson
Annette was born in Canoga Park and at the age of 10 split her time between Los Angeles and Naperville IL. Annette moved to Raleigh/Durham NC in 2004 where she met and married her soul mate, Tom. Annette and her family moved from Durham NC to Thousand Oaks in 2014 and purchased their forever home in Simi Valley (2015) while having a serious case of food poisoning from grocery store sushi. Annette has worked in all facets of Health Care but has found her Niche in IT Project Management for a large Health Insurance company. She is also the owner of 'I Got Faith Baby', where she provides strength/life, health and wellness coaching, in addition to writing her own blog by the same name, Annette published her first book in January 2021, which has become an International Best Seller. Annette is passionate about the strength found in each of us, and passionately believes in the healing power of laughing hysterically. Annette's mantra is "strength is found inside of us, joy is a choice and belief is an action".

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