Off With Her Hair!
Oh man! I shaved, it why?
After I shaved my head I had some days I felt so good. Chemo was not the only change I was making and that included my newest routine. Team no sleep, waking up to soaked sheets and bed shirts was a mind flip I had to get used to. And now I have shaved my hair.
Doctors said I was going to lose it anyways, so I made the decision to shave it all.
What’s That You Say?
Did you say it’s time to shave your hair? Chemo was not the only thing that was going to change my head, cancer was too. But I prepared myself for the head change. I always wanted to shave my head because I was so bored of my hair, this was my chance.
I was so attached to my hair that shaving it sent me into a self-discovery that I never knew I needed. I would lay awake at night feeling more free but also thinking how long before I have it back?
My Chemo Curls Said What?
They said I’m just like fire, I’m coming in hot. They say I aged like fine wine. But what did I want to say? I wanted to say I went through so many head changes. I thought about how many changes I was going to feel body, mind, and spirit. All aligned at once and I was left feeling empty.
I went from 135-140 to being 115 and nothing looked right to me. I wasn’t a healthy weight. I was sick and had barely any weight on. Now my hair was just growing back, but I lacked confidence.
I went from a strong brave woman to a shell of what once was but was rebuilt into something much larger much bigger. I became the voice for the voiceless and how powerful is that? I became what God wanted me to be all along and I was too scared to be MYSELF.
Does Hair Really Make You a Woman?
No, it doesn’t and that’s because so many other qualities made me a woman. So many other things make me a feminine being. I am a woman because I have made two humans. Hair doesn’t make you any more a woman or human than the next person. It doesn’t matter what other people say when it comes to who you are. I have felt invisible and even sometimes sad, but it was up to me to remind myself that I still am a woman.
I’m In Love with My Chemo Curls
Chemo curls is what they call someone that grows their hair back after losing it or shaving it. I chose to let it go because I wanted to concentrate on healing and not about everyone around me freaking out over my hair falling out in front of them. Truth is that it would have scared everyone including me. I just went for it. Hair just would come back to surprise me because now I have the curls I always dreamed of.
Accessories, makeup, clothes; they all played an important part of keeping up with my mood. Flirty skirts, heels, mules, whatever it took to get me out of bed. Jewelry was something I picked up again and began playing with. I enjoyed deciding what goes with my outfit. It gave me my groove back.
Makeup Always
Makeup gave me a boost in confidence because makeup has no rules. I could do a bold lip with a jet-black liner, or I could do a smoked-out eyeshadow and basic lip. The rules aren’t there, and I loved that. But makeup was something I did to get me out of bed because it was like a date for myself. Some days it’s a tinted moisturizer because I had no energy. Other days it’s full glam and texture spray.
My Journey
I have learned to embrace every stage and every change because it’s shaped this girl’s cancer journey. I am grateful for my chemo curls for this cancer fighting girl. Grateful doesn’t even come close to how I feel now. I have pulled through everything that was meant to take me down.
I am proud of who I am because I have fought my hardest to become her. Cancer picked the fight but I will FINISH it.
