I wish you could have met me 20 years ago. When I was a bright eyed and carefree 20 year old. Before I got lost in motherhood.
WHO I USE TO BE
Man, was I fun! I loved to laugh and play pranks and stay up way, way past my bedtime.
I ate, enjoyed, and lived every moment in that moment and there was not much that got in the way of my happiness.
Yes, I was pretty spectacular! I had dreams and goals that were irrational, but they excited me and drove me. I easily shrugged off criticism because I was just that darn happy with my life. And I loved hard, like all consuming hard!
But like the saying goes…..LIFE HAPPENS!
I had 3 children in 4 years, my husband and I experienced three different job losses and we moved three times. A lot of life happened, which my 20 year old self would have faced head on, but the older me let it wear me down and change me without much notice of it.
WHO I AM NOW
So yes, it seems like I got lost in motherhood. Motherhood is beautiful…a gift…special, but it is also hard…completely consuming…and requires complete sacrifice.
I got lost in the continuous task of feeding, diapers changes, not sleeping, giving and giving and giving of myself to the point that I think I forgot who I was.
I now define myself as mom….a mom who has it all together, or a mom who just doesn’t know what she is doing. Motherhood overtook all of me and I simply allowed it to without much of a fight. Everything I believe about myself dwindles down to one thing I think about myself…am I a good mom or bad mom.
WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE
Ok, deep breath, I know something needs to change. It is a complete uphill battle because I think society tells us that to be a good woman we need to be a good mom. We need to make organic lunches, have the perfect balance of work and family life, sacrifice at all cost, make everyone around us happy so we can be happy, but I am not buying it anymore.
I am choosing to find part of my old self and move forward.
HOW TO MOVE FORWARD
Here is what I am going to do! I am going to find those moms who help bring out that old me and won’t define me as just a mom. Other women who look to see me as more than just a mom; but as a friend, a passionate person, someone who loves to laugh and who has dreams! Hopefully moms who can help me see me again. A me that is a mom, but not lost in motherhood.