Fire Season, Fire Service, and Fire Families

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As I write this, my husband is driving in 116 degree heat through Arizona while being rerouted to a new wildfire assignment. We are 11 days out from our son’s 12th birthday and within a week of Father’s Day. Most of his deployments last two weeks.

Life as a Fire Wife

This is life for a fire wife. Unpredictable. Especially during summer and fall. As the weather heats up and the ground dries out, the southwest calls timber. Sometimes, California’s fire season even reaches its burning arm into winter (we’re still haunted by the monstrous Thomas Fire, circa December 2017).

For some go-with-the-flow types, interruptions are manageable. But I’m a planner. I schedule activities, chores, childcare, playdates, appointments, transportation, and travel. And then, we roll the dice. Wait and see.

Will Plans Be Upended Again?

One summer, my husband got called to a fire days before he was supposed to take a road trip with our son. Their camping reservations depended on that drive. My daughter and I had plane tickets to meet them at my parents’ house in Michigan. Luckily, I was able to add a passenger to our flight.

Plan B

We’ve learned to Plan B. But it isn’t easy. Not for me.

Yes, firefighters are compensated. Sure, there are perks. Obviously, they put their lives on the line. Furthermore, the first responders work hard, overnight, and in smoky conditions. Clearly, they train for disasters and maintain equipment. Naturally, people honor their heroism. No doubt, the demanding dream job deserves respect. First, potential firefighters must apply for the popular position, go through a competitive process, prove themselves in an arduous academy, and pass probation.

But the occupation has its cost.

The Struggles

So, before you judge a fire wife for “getting” to be a stay-at-home mom or only “having” to work part time, consider that she might crave a career but agreed to be the steady parent, since her spouse’s schedule is unreliable. Moreover, mother may be postponing her professional passion. Sacrifices are relative. Housework is work.

Long solo stretches are lonely. When our partners are gone, we worry about their whereabouts, safety, the risks, and health hazards. And inevitably, things come up at home: honey-do tasks that will have to wait.

Community

Being part of a fire auxiliary has helped me connect with people who can relate. Attending functions opens up this possibility as well. Our department hosts an annual barbeque, beach day, and holiday party to look forward to. Of course, there will be dads on duty those days.

As for the kids, they’re used to shifts at home. Conversations about who’s in charge, respecting both parents’ contributions to the household, showing gratitude, expressing feelings, dealing with transitions, and adjusting to absences are important and can be supported by a counselor.

Support

If you are looking for support and to better understand the life of a firefighter, I recommend reading Fully Involved (A Guide for Being In A Relationship with a Firefighter) by Mynda Ohs, PhD. Her website lists additional resources.

Also, the At Ease program offers trauma-informed therapy for first responders and their families, plus peer support, referrals, and critical incident response. Every relationship has its challenges. Fire spouses strive to support their significant others through stress, exhaustion, and PTSD. It is not unlike the military.

Thank you for your service, fellow fire families.

More Resources

Tis the time of year. Fire season is indeed here.  You can learn how to prepare an emergency kit at Ready Ventura County.

In the case of an evacuation, remember the 6 P’s if you have to leave: people/pets, papers, prescriptions, pictures, personal computers, and plastic cards.

Be sure to create a defensible space around your home and have a wildfire action plan in place.

Because as plans go, anything is possible.

fire season

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