“If you love me, you don’t have to hate her. And if you love her, you don’t need to hate me.” -Meghan Markle

Binary thinking is a one way ticket to failure. The most damaging form of polarity is when it creates a divide so deep within the family tree that it ultimately leads to one branch willingly breaking itself off. 

Interview

The world has finally come to terms with Meghan and Prince Harry’s explosive interview that took place earlier this year. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex took an opportunity to set their story straight after their public decision to break ties with Harry’s side took the internet by storm. Their vulnerability didn’t just serve 17.1 viewers with some juicy royal tea, it also brought an uncomfortable subject to light.

Meghan and Harry validated that most families are dysfunctional, no matter who you are or where you come from. Their message was clear and understood, your mental health should never be compromised for the sake of loyalty.

Most people in this type of situation would try to hide the madness and continue to live in misery.  But instead of just dealing with it, maybe you need to make a joint decision to end the toxic cycle together. You might need to attempt to break away from the source as one.

You’re probably asking yourself, what makes a family toxic?

How do you know if you and your spouse are trapped in a similar environment? 

Signs of A Toxic Family Environment

A toxic family unit is something that provides you with nothing good. It holds no value, there is no acceptance, and absolutely zero support. Trust me, it’s not somewhere you or your immediate circle needs to be. My very best advice for anyone battling a destructive family relationship is “Get out TOGETHER while you still have a chance”.

Obviously, my escape wasn’t from a royal lineage. This is real life. Sorry, no ball gowns.

The only similarity I share with Meghan and her prince is that our fairytale may not be as perfect as it seems, and that’s okay. Dysfunctional family relationships are more common than you realize. Their ugliness does not make my story any less beautiful.

I chose to share it as the villain’s downfall in my book.

Now, most people in this type of situation would be afraid to speak up out of fear of making things worse…right? (As my hands continuously shake with anxiety while writing this).

Well, like Meghan said during the interview, “What’s there to lose when all is already lost?”

Sharing My Story

I am choosing to share my story so that someone else has a genuine resource to fall back on. I believe there’s power in sharing the stories that shape us.

Being able to publicly take ownership of your story can be a form of healing in a “narrative therapy approach”.

The beauty of speaking your truth is found within the courage to honor your voice.

The more we share, the more walls we are able to break down. 

Making the decision to leave any type of toxic relationship takes an immense amount of strength and courage, but when you do it…you’re free.  I no longer have tolerance for certain things, and neither should you.  Not because you’re arrogant or believe that you’re above, but because you’ve hit a certain point in your life where you don’t need that type of negative energy around you.  Lose the idea that you need to please those who don’t like you or who don’t value your worth. 

 

Attempting to make a toxic family work is the root of all suffering, but society and our culture has somehow guilted us into remaining loyal to our narcissistic members.  Now more than ever a huge movement to validate “breaking up” with family is taking over. It’s becoming less of a taboo subject and more of an empathetic discussion to have.

Harry and Meghan’s willingness to share their story provided me and many others with a level of courage that I never realized was needed; the courage to stand up and leave a table where you know you aren’t being valued or offered a seat at.

FYI: You always have the option to create your own table when one isn’t provided for you.

Healthy Boundaries

Prove your worth by asserting your boundaries and by understanding your worth.  It is your right to assert your needs, protect your marriage and your family.

The act of physically stepping back from the source, not the cause, will be an enlightening change and will reflect loud enough for everyone to see that you are choosing happiness over loyalty.

Although this physical break from your family unit isn’t with your partner, it is separation from people within your family tree. You two will need to prepare for some damaging mental games.

This particular move in your exit may be the hardest choice and will most likely be a true test to your union.

Have faith and remind yourself that you will be at peace soon. Understand the family that you are escaping from is NOT LOVE. Withdraw your branch from that poisonous tree and plant something new together. When they say something is wrong with YOU, remind yourself the reverse.

Never change for anyone but yourself, and if you’re still not what they want…grab your man, grab your baby and make that exit.

Stand On Truth

Meghan’s time as a Royal and her escape out of that life has taught me to always stand firmly on my truth.  I know now that I should never let anyone remove me from what I know is right or wrong.

Also, find some comfort in knowing that even in the most beautiful fairy tale, nothing is ever as it seems.

*AHEM, THE BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY BEING BLESSED WITH THEIR OWN AMERICAN PRINCESS*

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Gabriella is a natural born sharer. She believes life is about storytelling and the responsibility that we all share to provide a truthful lens so we can all find deep connections with each other. Gabi absolutely loves being a boy mom and sharing all things about motherhood. She feels incredibly honored to be the co-creator of two small humans, Samuel and Mateo, with her best friend/husband, Albert. FUN FACT: Gabi met her husband in jail! You're gonna want to ask her about that story! A Ventura County native all her life, she has lived in Ventura, Santa Paula, and most recently in Fillmore with her three boys and two cats. She considers herself a true California girl. Gabi has always worked and valued her independence. She attended Moorpark Community College, and received her degree in Organizational Communications and minored in visual media. Being outspoken is something Gabi has always been most proud about, especially when it comes to women’s rights. In her various social media platforms, Gabi wholeheartedly shares her best and worst moments as a stay at home mom, wife, and as a millennial woman living in today’s world. She is a firm believer in sprinkling f-bombs, transparency, and showing young moms how to not take themselves so seriously. She also shares everyday, cool mom tips and can TikTok like nobody’s business. Gabi loves a good pair of mom jeans and a funky headband. She’s a good friend, and will love your authentic self fiercely. Warning: immediately following her on instagram will provoke a strong desire to make life’s messiest moments picture perfect. She’s definitely the mom bestie of the group.

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