Today, more than ever before, the path of comparison is easy to find and hard to step off of.  Constant social media posts scream in our face……

 “LOOK AT HOW GREAT SHE IS AS A MOM!”

“THEY HAVE THE BEST VACATIONS!”

“Her kids never fight.”

“They always eat so healthy.”

“She does ALL the Pinterest crafts with her kids.”

“They have a great marriage.”

TV commercials, romanticized “reality” shows, magazines, Facebook, Instagram, new definitions of being connected and in a community; they all pull us in and tell us exactly how we should be living and exactly where we are falling short.

I don’t care how confident you are as a person. At some point, the constant barrage of false fairytale families, careers, homelife and marriage will trip you up and send you straight down comparison street!

The Mommy Post that Made me a Comparison Monster

I have a dear friend who absolutely loves to make homemade things.  She makes toys, clothes, burp clothes and food.  One post showed her making homemade yogurt and listed all the benefits.  I didn’t even know making your own yogurt was an option!!! But oh no, all of a sudden I was in a panic to make my own yogurt. Have you all seen what it takes to make yogurt!!!!  It is THE weirdest process.  After mixing the ingredients together you literally wrap the bowl of yogurt in towels and leave it sitting out for hours; 6 hours to be exact.  I was sure I was going to accidentally poison my family but when it was set and ready to eat I forcefully fed it to my children.  It was AWFUL!!! I mean really bad! 

I had let someone else’s passion and values push me down the road of comparison when in truth I had NO desire, Absolutely NONE, to ever make homemade yogurt.  But I allowed myself to think I was robbing my family of something because I didn’t! My friend never  made me feel bad or even suggested I try this insanity. It was me, all me! 

RELATED: The Mommy Shame Game: How to SHUT IT DOWN

Set the Win and Never Wonder

I recently heard a talk by Andy Stanley that grabbed right a hold of my ever comparing heart and gave it a good shake.  He states that “In the areas that matter most, most people never define the win.”  He also states “If you don’t define the win, you’ll adapt everybody else’s.”  It hit me so hard!! I did not know what the wins for my life were, I had been comparing myself to other people’s wins.

I realized I compare and beat myself up because I have been measuring myself by others standards, passions and values.  What I “think” I should be doing as a wife, a mom, and friend has been coming from what I see posted on social media and tv and NOT on how I want to live my life and raise my family. 

So, I set out to set the win for my life, my marriage and my kids.  I will set the win and never wonder. Never wonder if I am doing enough.  Never wonder if I am accomplishing my goals.  Never wonder if I am living my life to the standards that are important to me.

Watch the Full Video Here of Andy Stanley’s Talk

My Wins

MARRIAGE – For my marriage, my husband and I’s WIN is that we still want to be around each other and still desire to tell each other things first. This is not to say we won’t have struggles or have to work through things.  It just means for my marriage we don’t have to be on fancy vacations, do crazy hobbies together or other ideas we see in the media around us.  For us, it is important we love spending time together and talking.  

KIDS – For our kids our WIN is that they enjoy hanging out with each other and want to be involved in church. Our win is not that they are winning academic achievements or the star soccer player.  Yes, education is important to us and our kids enjoy sports, but we will know something needs to change if they no longer desire to spend time together or don’t enjoy church. 

PERSONALLY – For me personally as a woman (NOT A MOM), my win is that God is first in my life, I spend a good amount of time outside and spend time with my family and friends.  I don’t need multiple hobbies or a huge amount of friends.  I feel great when I know I have time to read, enjoy dinner with a friend, and spend time outside.

RELATED: Order Your Own Ice Cream – A Story of Comparison

Stop Comparing, Set the Win

When you know what you value and what your win is, you don’t have to compare yourself to others.  You can stand firm on knowing you are doing what is important to you and be a cheerleader and encouragement to other moms.  You can enjoy their passions and support them but never wonder if you are living the way you want to live.  When you set YOUR WIN for YOUR life, marriage and kids, it’s easier to stop comparing and start celebrating. 

Set a win

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Cascia Smith
Cascia was born and raised in the Arizona heat. While receiving her Pre-Med degree at HIU in California, a blonde, surfing, skateboarding boy stole her heart. In 2004, she married Chuck and had many adventures living in Arizona, California and Colorado. They now call Simi Valley home and have three wild and curious children - Becker (10), Bodie (7) and Lyla (6). She has been blessed to be a teacher, summer camp staff/program director, SAHM and now the owner of Ventura County Mom Collective. Playing guitar, writing songs, and reading any and every parenting book helps keep her sane and happy! A good cup of coffee or a bubbly La Croix can usually be found in her hand! She tries to live by the motto "I'd rather recover from failure than live with regret.

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