“I can’t be a stay-at-home mom.” I don’t even remember how many times I mentioned this to my husband and he was nothing but supportive. We had lengthy discussions about how I would return to work after the baby was born because I couldn’t imagine being at home all day with no other adults to talk to. I genuinely didn’t think I had the mental and emotional capacity to be home all day like that.
I need to socialize. I need to earn money. And I need to contribute.
Uh no, I need to be realistic.
I finally got that positive test and was ecstatic. It happened to coincide with my husband’s job promotion and we moved from one state to a completely different one. I no longer had a job, or nearby friends, or really ANYTHING close by; except a Hobby Lobby. It was so exciting to have a fresh start and access to a craft store!
With Hubby’s new job came a new salary; one that allowed me to stay home until I gave birth. I justified it with promises to myself that it was better for my blood pressure, better for my general health, and better for our family home dynamic. Some of those things were true; my blood pressure was great, my back didn’t hurt from lifting kids all day, and I went from a never-ending cold to never getting sick. But I don’t know who I was trying to kid about getting the house together; it’s been three years and some stuff is still in boxes.
Delusional
My plan was to go back to work when our daughter was about 6 months old. Here’s where the delusion comes into play. Yes…there were boring moments, I talked to myself a lot (Still do!), and there were absolutely condescending comments from people who didn’t feel as though I was helping to provide. However, those first few months of her life made me realize that I actually COULD be a stay-at-home mom. I loved it!
Then came the plan to move back to California and really, how does anyone survive here off of one income? I was headed back to work!
Just kidding…I was pregnant again. I convinced Hubby that I should be a stay-at-home mom until baby #2 arrived and then I’d look for a job. I’m a liar, apparently…still home!
Realistic
Do I miss adult conversations? Could we use the extra income? Do I sometimes feel like I’m not contributing? Yes to everything! But here’s the kicker, it’s all in my head. Well, my head and societal standards.
As moms, we’re told that we should be the ones to take care of our babies, but also, make sure you contribute to the finances! How dare you leave your baby with a stranger…but why would you give up your career for kids?!
Listen, there’s no wrong answer here. Stay home, go to work, mother’s helper, daycare…whatever. As long as your child is safe and being taken care of by a trustworthy person (you or anyone else), take a breath and tell society to back off! Your mental health matters too.
If staying home with your baby is an option and you can stay sane while doing it, YES GIRL! If you thrive off of being a great mommy when you’re home and absolutely KILLIN’ IT while at your 9-5…YASSS! Do what works for you and your family.
Delighted
It took me a long time to figure this out and I sometimes still struggle. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel obligated, like a mooch, or any other negative remark that people might throw my way.
I feel like an awesome mom who loves her babies, her work, and the wine and tacos Hubby brings home on those long days.
