Teaching Kids to Engage in Civil Discourse: A Guide from Toddlers to Young Adults
The only thing we can seem to agree on this election year is that we are a polarized society.
Many of us find it difficult to converse with family and friends who hold different beliefs. Right wing. Left wing. Liberal. Conservative. Words flying everywhere non-stop. What do our kids see and hear? What do we want them to take away from the challenging discussions they see the adults around them having? I am not an educator or a psychologist, but I humbly present my thoughts on the matter from one parent to another.
Civil Discourse
The ability to engage in civil discourse is more important than ever. Teaching children to communicate respectfully, listen actively, and consider diverse perspectives can help them become thoughtful, empathetic individuals. This article explores strategies for fostering these skills in children from toddlerhood to young adulthood.
Toddlers (Ages 1-3)
Modeling Respectful Speech:
Use polite language when speaking to your toddler and others. They learn so much in these early years by imitation, so hearing “please,” “thank you,” and other courteous expressions is important.
Share and Take Turns:
It seems simple, but I see adults failing at this everyday in the grocery store and especially on the freeway. Allowing someone to merge easily onto the freeway is a small act that can change the trajectory of an entire day. Encourage toddlers to take turns during play. This helps them understand the basics of conversation and the importance of listening and waiting for their turn to speak and interact with others.
Use Their Words:
Introduce words that describe feelings and encourage them to use them to express their emotions. Helping toddlers name how they are feeling (“happy,” “sad,” “mad”) allows them to build confidence in sharing their emotions and provides a foundation for understanding the emotions of others around them.
Preschoolers
Role-Playing:
Use role-play to practice polite conversation. Pretend to be different characters and have discussions that require taking turns and listening. I often used puppets and stuffed animals, or even action figures, to help my kids understand various situations at this age. It is particularly helpful when explaining complex situations that are beyond their years such as a death in the family, divorce, or moving to a new home.
Storytelling:
Encourage your child to tell stories about their day and share how various situations felt. Ask questions and show interest to model active listening and thoughtful responses.
Positive Reinforcement: Praise your child when they use polite language or use good listening skills.
Elementary School Children
Active Listening Games:
Play games that require listening skills, such as Simon Says, Mother May I, or Telephone. Although these activities may be old school, they have a clear purpose then and now. Not only are they fun, but they also reinforce the reward of paying attention.
Discussing Conflicts: When conflicts arise, guide your child through resolving them respectfully. Encourage them to express their feelings without blaming and to listen to the other person’s perspective.
Books:
Select books that deal with themes of empathy, respect, and communication. Discuss the characters’ actions and feelings to help your child understand these abstract concepts.
Preteens
Family Talk Time:
Involve your preteen in family discussions about current events or explore ethical questions. Encourage them to share their opinions and listen to differing viewpoints.
Teaching Debate Skills:
Introduce basic debate concepts and practice debating various topics. Focus on making logical arguments and respectfully countering opposing views.
Encouraging Empathy:
Discuss the importance of empathy and understanding different perspectives. Encourage your preteen to consider how others might feel in various situations.
Teenagers
Encouraging Critical Thinking:
Teach your teenager how to evaluate information for accuracy. Discuss potential media biases and the importance of considering several reputable sources before forming an opinion.
Respectful Online Communication:
Set rules that require your teen to engage respectfully online. Discuss the potential for misunderstandings and the importance of being mindful of tone and context.
Facilitating Constructive Arguments:
Help your teen understand that disagreements can be productive. Teach them to argue constructively by focusing on ideas rather than personal attacks.
Young Adults
Advanced Debate and Discussion:
Encourage participation in debate clubs, discussion groups, or courses that emphasize respectful dialogue. These settings provide opportunities to practice and refine discourse skills.
Engaging with Diverse Perspectives:
Promote interactions with people from different backgrounds and viewpoints. Exposure to diversity enhances empathy and understanding.
Modeling Civil Discourse:
Continue to model respectful communication in your interactions. Young adults often emulate the behaviors they observe in trusted adults.
Conclusion
Teaching children to engage in civil discourse is a lifelong process that evolves with their development. By starting early and building on foundational skills, parents can help children become respectful, empathetic communicators capable of navigating complex conversations with grace and understanding.
