An Unexpected Request

Thanksgiving is one of our favorite family holidays. Both kids enjoy wearing their fancy dresses, receiving all the love, and devouring the delicious Iranian-American fusion of the Thanksgiving feast.

Last year, early in November, my 9-year old dropped a surprising request: she asked if we can skip our usual Thanksgiving gathering with extended family!

What?

We can’t just skip Thanksgiving dinner! It’s a family tradition. Everyone would be so disappointed if we simply flaked on them.

But she wouldn’t budge. She was adamant about not having a fancy feast, not dressing up, and not feeling comfortable.

And her reason? She felt bad for all the homeless and less fortunate people. They didn’t get to enjoy the festivities, and had to spend their day still looking for food and money. Together with her little sister, they insisted we take food and money to as many homeless people as possible, on Thanksgiving Day!

My heart melted. Here I was, worrying about disappointing our extended family, while my children were making a case to feed and help complete strangers.

Our Special Family Project

My husband’s face lit up when he heard about their idea, and we turned it into a family project.

We spent the following weeks buying supplies and non-perishables to prepare care-bags, each with a personal card covered in stickers and words of love and encouragement. We set a budget, and then took the girls out shopping. They were mindful that the male and female recipients would have different needs, so we made sure to include appropriate personal hygiene products in addition to the snacks, water bottles, toothpaste, toothbrushes, cans, and candy.

As we approached the big day, I suggested that we drop our care-bags off at local shelters so that they can be handed out to those in need. But nope! My eldest was adamant about handing the bags out in person!

She said she wanted to see their faces when they received the bags, and to see up close what they were going through.

We couldn’t say no to that either. The intensity of her concern was overwhelming for us to say the least.

But more so, it was one of the most humbling and eye-opening experiences that my husband and I have had.

The Power of Inquiry

The life of a parent is always full of surprises, from the day the children are born. Yet there’s something extra magical about that turning point when the children begin to form their own unique perspective about the world around them.

What makes all the difference in their individual journey of growth, is how much leeway we give them to pursue their interests and curiosity.

Instead of dismissing their initial request, we can inquire about the reason(s) behind it. Oftentimes, their intention is much purer than we give them credit for.  Depending on the age of the child, we can try different approaches to get behind their demands and discover a whole new side of the child.

I wondered how long my daughter had been worrying about the homeless population? Why did I not know about this until the month of Thanksgiving? Did she not feel close enough to me to share this concern?

Those were the me-centered questions that first crossed my mind last year. I was looking at the whole thing from my own lens. It was only when I finally asked for her perspective, that I realized that this young child was merely trying to address a struggle that she was feeling in her heart.

She was experiencing the same emotions that adults feel when we walk or drive by a less fortunate person holding up a sign, asking for help – but at the age of nine!  My child was feeling helpless and figured this was one way she could help.

Empowering a Child’s True Intentions

That’s when I realized that it was my job to acknowledge her intention to help and to make a difference.  It’s not always easy to set aside important elements of our family dynamic, which includes family functions, but sometimes, that’s exactly what our children need to feel empowered.

As they grow older, they become more cognizant of the dichotomies around them, yet don’t know how to address the tension that this creates in their hearts.

I can easily decide whether I want to give my spare change to the person at the intersection, or how much I want to donate to my favorite charity. These decisions allow me to address my inner conflicts, and to walk away feeling good about myself.

My daughters did not have that luxury and yet felt a strong need to do something about what they were witnessing.

Sure enough, we explained the situation to our family, and handed out our care-bags near the Ventura Mission on Thanksgiving Day around lunch time.  The smiles that were returned to my girls after each hand-out were heartbreaking and yet full of gratitude.

We eventually drove back home, cooked up a mini-Thanksgiving dinner and spent the evening recalling each and every person we met that day.

More Volunteer Ideas

Looking for MORE VOLUNTEER IDEAS? Read Volunteer Ideas in Ventura County by Daniella Horne.

volunteering Ventura County

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Nikki Hashemi
Nikki has lived in Iran, Austria, and Canada. She moved to Los Angeles at 20 years old to attend Loyola Law School and is now proud to call Ventura County her home. She homeschooled both of her children for 5 years and got her Life Coach Certification with an emphasis in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). Nikki is the proud owner and principal attorney at Interplay Legal Solutions, Inc. She passionately serves families with minor children with their estate planning needs, and represents individual debtors in Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 Bankruptcy Proceedings. In the social media world, she is @parentmindsetlawyer . In her spare time, she volunteers at the Conejo Free Clinic's legal department, and loves networking with people from all walks of life. When Nikki is not at her computer, she can be found volunteering at her children's school, tending to her succulent collection, or spending quality time with her husband and two daughters. Nikki is fluent in Farsi and is trying hard not to lose her fluency in German!

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