“Haley, what should I call you?”  Her sweet little six-year-old voice came squeaking in behind me as I was making monster sandwiches to pack in the lunchboxes for the next day.

What Do I Call You

“What do you mean love?” Since she walked into the room with no context, I truly had no idea where she was coming from, nor did I stop with my lunch making activity, misunderstanding the importance of her question.

“Well, at lunch today, my friend asked me who you are, and I didn’t know what to say.  I already have a mom, and . . . well . . . stepmom is no good.  So what do I call you?”  

Her dad and I weren’t married yet, or even engaged at this point, and truth be told I wasn’t living with them either.  But I had been there for bedtime routines and making lunches and whatnot for about three months, so it was a valid question.  Fortunately, her father and I spent a lot of time discussing these things well before I met his girls, so I had an inkling of an idea of how to approach this topic.  We spent six months embracing our new relationship, dialoguing about what my role would be with his children, and anticipating how everyone’s lives would change upon meeting them – I put down the bread to turn and face her.

Bonus Mom

“Let’s talk about it.”  I got down to my knees so she and I could be at eye level with one another.  “What do you want to call me?”

“I really don’t know.” She said, “Because stepmom is just no good.”

Since she had mentioned the word mom or stepmom in two instances, I understood that to mean she already considered me to be a maternal figure in her little world {swoon}, so I offered “How about Bonus Mom – since you are so lucky you get an extra!”

“YES!!!  I LOVE that!  Thanks!” And she bopped off down the hall excited to be so lucky.

Blended Family

I now prefer being referred to as a stepmom versus Bonus Mom – my mission to reclaim this title from the Wicked persona propagated by fairy tales . . . we’ll unpack that another day – but as my budding family navigated the waters of blending together, it served as a beautiful foundation for us.

Going back and forth between two very different households isn’t always easy on our girls (or the parents), but we always have this mindset to defer back to.  These girls of ours are so incredibly lucky to have four loving parents, always in their corner, doing everything within our abilities to help them become the best versions of themselves possible.  

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Haley Chapman
Haley was born and raised in Southern California. After earning a degree in Applied Mathematics, she worked in the corporate world for a few years before starting a Tutoring Company of which she owned and operated for ten glorious years. In 2016, after a stint of intentional singleness, she met her perfect match who came prepackaged with two beautiful daughters. They all now reside in Simi Valley, having a full house every other week as they navigate coparenting and blended family life. She has been fortunate to call herself an educator, a business owner, a corporate manager, and now a literacy advocate as well as a freelance operations and efficiency consultant. Reading, doodling, and snuggling with her three pups keeps her grounded – and an ice-cold Coca Cola on a hot day brings her pure joy. She finds dry British humor the greatest form of communication, and lives by the theory that life is best when laughing.

1 COMMENT

  1. Who is cutting onions?!
    One of my greatest joys in life is getting to see someone who has meant so much to me in my life, live such a beautiful life. Haley Marie, you are one of a kind and your girls are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. I could not have wished for a better gift for you. I love you (squish)

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