Empowering the Working Mom

It’s 2am on Tuesday night, the second day after returning to work from my 5-month maternity leave with my son.  I’m up in the middle of the night nursing him from bed, thinking to myself “how can I possibly go to work in the morning on 3 hours of sleep?” I’m in complete panic about how to manage family and home life and give 100% of myself to both.

A Different Time

With only my daughter somehow it all felt manageable, but now with 2, I felt like I was literally underwater clambering to the top trying to manage it all. My husband and I had our first baby in December of 2019. Three days after Christmas, while bells rang and families gathered, our hospital room was full of visitors to meet our precious new baby girl.

There were no masks, no visitor limits, no proof of vaccination prior to entering. Life was simple. Little did we know that 10 weeks later, the world as we know it would change forever. Three weeks before the end of my 12-week maternity leave, my husband and I found ourselves in a heated discussion about childcare and what we were going to do when I returned to the office.

For context, I work in sales/account management for a large corporate company. At the
time, I was required to be back in the office 5 days a week, a whopping 3-hour round trip commute to LA with traffic. “How on earth can I do this?” I found myself asking. That conversation ended with me in a heap of tears in the middle of the kitchen, feeling completely defeated. I couldn’t fathom leaving my breastfeeding, 8-week-old
newborn, in someone else’s care 5 days a week.

But two weeks later, the world turned on its head forcing all of us into the cocoons of our homes and for almost two years, we never revisited that conversation. The silver lining of
COVID for our family has undoubtedly been being home with my now 2.5-year-old daughter every day since she was born, while maintaining my full-time job. It’s been amazing to watch the positive impact this has had on her and her development into a confident, smart and positively attached toddler.

Pregnant

We got pregnant with my son last April and he was born January 4, 2022. This time around, I decided to take some extra time off (maternity plus some unpaid leave) to soak up family time, fun activities, and all the snuggles. Leading up to my return to work this time, I found myself feeling the weight and reality of what it would mean working full-time with now two kids at home.

This, coupled with the imminent return to office requirement I knew was coming and a challenging sleeper, all felt incredibly daunting. I found myself up in the middle of the night while nursing and rocking my newborn back to sleep, googling and researching part time/other flexible working options so that I could continue to live in the joy that was my maternity leave and enjoy this short period of time with my kids.

Play dates, morning workouts with mommy friends, toddler story time at the library, swim classes, dance classes, etc. are all timed for “non-working” stay at home moms or moms who have ultimate work flexibility, it seemed. I found myself asking every mom I met “what do you do for work?” I was shocked that each story I heard seems to fall into one of three categories: full time stay at home moms who had left the workforce when
they started their families, working moms desperate for more time/flexibility from their companies to be able to spend more time with their babies, or women who run/are looking to run their own business in some way.

Working Mom

My wheels were turning: why, in 2022 do I/we still feel trapped by these rigid options as women choosing to have families?

Why was there absolutely no company or job with part time or more flexible options?

The women I know who have chosen to stay home with their young children found exactly what I had: the cost of childcare cuts into over half of their yearly incomes. Why work only to pay someone else most of my salary to be with my kids?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had an identity in the workforce prior to having kids that I am incredibly proud of and a sales career that I have worked hard for the last 10+ years. Navigating a new identity in motherhood, while trying to maintain some sense of self outside of the home is undoubtedly difficult and one that I am still working on. There
are days where going to work all day seems like a day off versus the alternative. It’s all hard, this we know is true.

So Many Talented Women

Whether we choose to stay home full time, work full time, or somewhere down the middle, finding the balance between home and career is extremely challenging. However, it still seems like we are missing a huge chunk of talented individuals who want to work but also have the flexibility to be there for their kids and raise their family in the way that they choose.

A week into returning to my full-time job, I found myself exhausted, defeated and asking the universe “please give me a sign of what I need to do”. That Monday I sat down to work and my computer and phone completely died. That was just the sign I needed to decide to take some time off to soak up these precious years at home with my babies. My husband and I chatted about it, we talked at length about my dreams of owning my own
yoga/fitness/wellness business and how that option seemed like one that could allow me to also raise my family the way I wanted to do it with ultimate flexibility. We picked the day I would tell my company, and that would be that.

The day came to give notice that after 5.5 years, it was time to take a step back and focus on my family. I was knotted with emotion and anxiety. What would happen on the other side of this huge life choice? I had worked for over 15 years at my sales career, how would I feel giving it all up? Would I be happy? Would I feel empty? What about the huge gap on my resume? Could I return to the workforce when I wanted to with ease? Would I be less
respected by my peers now that I had chosen to take some time off? How would society view me?

My company’s response was not what I anticipated. At the last hour of my last week and last day, my director asked me “what can we do to make you stay?” My answer was simple: “part time, fully remote, full flexibility to be with my kids when they need me during the day”. Could I have both? Could I have that and stay relevant in my career while being
with my kids, raising them and doing all the mom things too?

My last day approached, and I got a call. They said, “Hallie, we want to give you exactly what you want. We value you and we want to keep you. We also want to pilot
a part-time contract position and if we prove it successful, roll it out to all of our North America team.” I accepted shortly after and was all in on the idea.

Empowering The Working Mom

Since this situation has unfolded, I’ve had so many empowering reflections. In my exit interview (before knowing I wasn’t exiting) I shared my feedback. “Look around. There’s not one other person on our team like me, one with two little ones at home. Why? Seems like there’s an entire population of talented, capable women out there looking for opportunity, but no one is offering it.”

In the time of the female, I’m feeling empowered by my small step towards changing a vastly patriarchal corporate system that still seems to ignore the needs of young families
and the individuals trying to raise them. It also illuminates the fact that in American society we value money and work over family and home life. Why do we have to risk it all before finding a window of opportunity? Can we have both home life and opportunity in our careers? What can happen when we truly let go of our own predicted outcomes and allow the universe to catch us?

Hopeful

I don’t have any of the answers, and this is just my story.  But I’m hopeful that more companies will listen to working parents so that we aren’t forced to choose between work or family and miss out on all the beautiful yet fleeting memories with our children.

WRITTEN BY: Guest Writer Hallie McAnall