I’ll go first…
I am Infertile!
First, I am not a medical professional. This is being written from my perspective – as an infertility warrior. I define infertility as the inability to conceive without medical intervention, regardless of the reason.
I have been through two IUI cycles, four IVF cycles, two fresh embryo transfers, and four frozen embryo transfer cycles. I have been pregnant seven times. I have lost six babies. My daughter, Faith (11), is an IVF with ICSI baby.
Infertility is HARD. Infertility is TRAUMATIC. Infertility is LONELY. Infertility is INTRUSIVE. Infertility is OBSTINATE.
I felt extremely exposed when I started my fertility journey
Everybody wanted to give me advice. Most had incredibly hurtful or stupid things to say. Some of the most memorable;
“Did you try just getting really drunk first?”
“Just go on vacation!”
“It’s not happening because you are too stressed.”
and lastly “maybe you weren’t meant to be a parent”.
My reproductive challenges, the most private details of my life, became the subject of casual conversation, usually started with, “I need to pee….so tell me are you pregnant yet?”.
It became easier to not let anyone know, not talk about it and avoid all people. Suddenly my husband and I were alone on infertility island. I fell into a dark depression. My husband started having panic attacks.
I was invaded by things….
”Wanda” the probe, needles, meds, and person after person measuring and monitoring my progress. When we first started trying to get pregnant our intimacy had to revolve around a calendar, and my husband’s underwear. Every intimate moment had to be planned, documented, and procedural.
I was angry – why me! I was stressed – why is this not happening! I lost hope and strength with each cycle, each period, and each Dr’s visit. I lost ME.
If you are experiencing infertility, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I HEAR you.
I SEE you.
I AM you.
Together with Ventura County Mom’s Collective I will be leading an online infertility support group, all are welcome. Let’s change the narrative, together, on infertility.
