(Author’s Note: This story discusses rape and sexual violation. Please take care of yourself and read with caution or move on to another post.)
The media has had all eyes on several cast members from That 70s Show. A TV series I’ve never even seen. Of course, I’m familiar with the premise and its famous cast of players. Although I’ve never been a fan (even of the actors), I’ve found myself livid and disappointed at what’s been happening.
Danny Masterson from the show was recently convicted of raping multiple women and will serve 30 years in prison. In a world where justice is so rarely served and women are seldom believed, this was a huge win for survivors everywhere. Then, it was discovered that Masterson’s co-stars (and real-life couple) Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, had written letters of support to urge the judge for leniency on their friend.
Kutcher is the co-founder of Thorn. Thorn is a non-profit that claims to be dedicated to defending children from sexual abuse and bringing light to human trafficking. Kunis also works closely with her husband and says to “believe and support victims.” Excuse me? How can a family say this when they have supported their friend who is a convicted rapist?
My blood has been boiling about this. Then, it hit me, that this is sadly the norm for many, many survivors of sexual abuse. Myself included.
Dating Years
Several years ago, I was single and like many, had a slew of online dating accounts. Hoping to meet Mr. Right. I have some hilarious stories of not-so-great dates as well as amazing ones. Even meeting my incredible husband online.
I was extremely excited one day when I was matched with a guy I actually knew. Sort of. I’d worked with his mother and knew quite a bit about him since I considered myself friends with her. I had a crush on him and always hoped I’d happen to meet him. I thought this was manifestation at its best and I quickly sent him a direct message to see where we might go.
We went out on two “dates” if that’s what you’d even call them. Looking back, he sensed how much I liked him and took advantage of it. He didn’t have a car so I gladly drove him places he needed to go (including to buy marijuana) and when he was “short” on a meal tab, no worries. I picked it up.
Being Violated
I was too quick to go back to his place but I did. I felt like I did know him and he knew I was friends with his mother. Next thing I know, he’s forcing me to do things I’d said I’m not comfortable doing this soon. He insisted he needed to “show me how it’s done.” Instead, he left me feeling humiliated and told me how “insecure” I am and “I’m not a sexually confident person.” At this point, I was afraid that I was in his home, and who knows if the doors were all locked. I did all I could to not express how broken he had made me, went along with his sexual requests, let him continue to say I was “no good” and then I was finally able to leave.
Shortly after this ordeal, I told one of my closest friends at the time, whom I also worked with and she knew this guy’s mother. She acted supportive and even urged me to tell his mom. I decided against it and to just move on. It made me feel good that at least I had a supportive friend. Until I did not.
Believe Survivors
For reasons I still do not know to this day, this “friend” became more distant to me. No more hangouts at my house, coffee dates, or studying together. It all seemed to go out the window. I had quit the job we all shared and the next thing I knew, she was looking tight with the mother. So much so that this woman became roommates with my friend. They hung out together all of the time and posts even started popping up of her with this lady’s family. Yep. Guess who.
I felt enraged. My friend had been so supportive of what I’d gone through and how much this guy hurt me. And then, I no longer hear from her and instead get to see her on social media hanging out with him like they’re all a “family.”
This is why I’ve been so furious at the Masterson/Kutcher/Kunis situation. My heart aches so much for the survivors of Danny Masterson. What a huge slap in the face to see notable people like Kutcher and Kunis supporting a rapist. People who supposedly “care” about survivors of sexual assault. You could have fooled me.
According to RAINN, every 68 seconds a person is sexually abused. One out of every six women has been the victim of a completed or attempted rape. Please, believe survivors of sexual abuse. Support them. Don’t forget about them. Don’t say you’re there for them and then support rapists. These are the reasons women do not come forward.
