While nearly 25 years ago many of us millennials were in the club (with our hands in the air) singing “where the party at?” along with Ja Rule, I think we all know exactly where the party is at now.
…It’s with our children’s birthdays.
And we also know where it isn’t: literally anywhere else.
Now I know my childhood birthdays were comparatively less special than some of my peers based on my humble upbringing, but my understanding is that it was not uncommon for 80’s and 90’s birthdays to be choosing family dinner that night and cake. Sure, some people got to go to the skating rink or some other birthday party venue with guests and party favors, but the glow-up we’ve given to our kids’ annual celebrations is unreal.
From bounce houses to themes, from theme parks to trampoline parks, from DJs to character actors, from fishing trips to basketball games, from aerial silks to pottery parties, our children are getting the red carpet (sometimes literally) rolled out for them. Curated carefully based on their current interests and the hottest trends, we throw parties with themes running from the window to the wall: cakes, tablecloths, napkins, and photo booths. We wake them up in the morning with showers of balloons from Pinterest planning, send the most beautiful cupcakes to their classrooms, and literally crown them birthday queens with sparkling tiaras. No longer are we doing a box cake mix with some canned frosting slathered on and an illegible scrawl of gel icing stating “Happy Birthday”. We are birthday party professionals.
Look, I know some of us don’t want to do it, but the pressure is there, from the peers, from social media, from the children themselves. We see what others are doing, and we feel the need to match or exceed the hoopla for the birthday. I’m the worst offender. I’ll admit it. My children’s birthday cakes have been next-level. From the pink champagne smash cake with gold and pearl sprinkles on ombre pink buttercream for my daughter’s 21st, to the fishing themed cake complete with Kit-kat pier and a basketball cake painstakingly covered in orange and brown m&ms for my son, to an Elmo cake for my grandson, and a number 11 made out of cake and covered in candy for my son’s best friend, I can’t stop myself from trying to outperform the last kid’s cake.
It’s me. Hi.
My sister and friends identify me as the problem, when I do this, which I certainly am. Still the truth is, with the 21st century kids’ birthday party glow-up, whether people are buying cakes or hiring party princesses or DJs or booking tickets to the hottest event or theme park, we continue to outdo the birthdays if we are so lucky to have the time or the budget to do so. When we don’t, we often get creative to make things special, rather than saying “you pick dinner and I’ll bake a cake”.
The Glow Up Gap
Now you may be thinking, “You’re right, we’ve taken it too far with kids’ birthdays. I spend a ridiculous amount of money on them. This is crazy. We should stop with this insanity!”
But this is actually not what I’m suggesting. Keep being crazy! Keep making those ridiculously gorgeous cakes. Keep theming yourself from the window to the wall. Keep making your child feel incredibly special every year on their special day. But what I am saying is: don’t stop there! Why do kids get to have all the fun? In the meantime, when’s the last birthday you really celebrated in a big way? When’s the last time you did something bigger than having your immediate family and maybe a close friend to dinner on your birthday?
The Milestone Birthday
Okay, so maybe you did a girls trip for your 30th or had a party for your 40th or maybe you are planning something big for your 50th. It’s not enough. While it’s fun to celebrate a “big” birthday, what I want is for us to celebrate them all. Equitably. In groups. With other people. Without shame. With laughter. With cake. I want us to close the party gap. We need to celebrate ourselves, our spouses, our sisters, all the time, every year. We need all the excuses for a party. Don’t let these kids have all the fun.
Lonely People Don’t Party
I have been reading up on some recent research and stories around American adults being lonely, isolated. We have been seeing the consistent downfall of entertaining and in person connections as social media and solo time rises, and, honestly, I’m aghast. Some of this is for obvious reasons, as the television came on the scene and women started working more often, dinner parties fell (who has time to work and then throw a dinner party?) Free time was spent around the television, rather than partying, playing cards or games or other entertaining options. Since then, the internet, phones, homes with multiple televisions, streaming options and the inequity of work life balance has further eroded our ability to spend time together, let alone to throw parties just for ourselves. Add to that the self-consciousness social media has given some of us to have the perfect house to entertain in, the perfect menu, the perfect friend group even… and home entertaining has slowed to a near full stop.
Traditions Need Repetition
Maybe you are still having your annual Holiday party or your usual Summer Kick Off, and I hope you are, but as we have upped the ante on our children’s parties, our adult entertainment has gotten to be severely lacking. Let’s bring back the birthday party for us adults. Maybe it’s a big birthday dinner out like many of us did in our college years (CPK birthday anyone? Cheesecake Factory table for twenty?) or maybe it’s a bakery cake in your backyard with all your closest friends. The theme doesn’t have to be so gaudy, but the guest list needs to expand. Let’s celebrate ourselves and each other. Stop assuming others are too busy to celebrate with you. These are the times we can enjoy now, the laughs that cement the budding friendships, the memories that we build on, year after year. If birthdays aren’t your thing, that’s okay, but throw that Halloween party, invite that small crowd over for a dinner party, make pajama parties a thing again, hire a DJ for no good reason at all!
This is the Year
Don’t wait for the milestone birthday for you… or your spouse or your sister or your mom! Life is precious and you never know what that milestone birthday year will hold. It might be perfect timing, but unfortunately it also might be the year that you lose your job, the year you are widowed, or the year a family member gets very sick. Life happens too quickly and unpredictably to plan too far ahead for fun. Celebrate the birthday this year. Celebrate the anniversary. Every year. In a big way. At least in a bigger way than you have been. Invite people. Share your year and your happiness together. And when you do, don’t forget to send me an invitation!
