You Can Have it All
Empowering women over the years we’ve all heard the messages that we can have it all. We can have the family AND the career. We can be beautiful AND brilliant. We can make money AND make time. We have marriages AND friendships. Why give anything up! We shouldn’t have to!
Should We?
We shouldn’t have to, but the truth is, sometimes we must. Sometimes there aren’t enough hours or dollars or cares to make all the things we want to happen, happen.
I worked hard to be a career woman. I wanted a fancy career where I could wear my high heels and be a leader. And I did it! And it was super tiring because I also wanted to be a mom who got to see her kid more than just a waking hour a day. And it definitely didn’t lend itself to having more kids.
So, I moved here and took a less stressful job to see my kid more. And I did! I met neighbors and went on walks! I joined the PTO and the Soccer Board, and I met my two new best friends here. And no one one called or sent work emails after 5pm. And… I was bored at work. Really bored! My high heels didn’t seem right and I didn’t like that.
So, I got a new job! It was more challenging and exciting and invigorating, and I’m happy at work again! Now, I work from home and can pick up my kid! It’s perfect right? Well, I’m home, but I am on zoom more than with my kid – so I am mostly telling him to pipe down during our newfound time together. And I definitely never wear the heels. Sometimes I have to travel, so that’s a little complicated since my husband is often out of the country.
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Do You Have It All Yet?
So… I haven’t found the balance. And the truth is, I don’t believe it exists. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make it exist, but I do have a hard-core realism that is one of my best and worst traits. Sometimes we have to choose, so we do the best we can.
There are plenty of other ways I would like to “have it all” that seem pretty mutually exclusive to me:
I’d like to live in a quaint Hallmark-esque town.. but with a large international airport less than 20 minutes away.
I’d like my husband to have a very successful business in his home country that fulfills his dreams and provides our children with a future in Tanzania. Although, I would also like him to be home with me.. like all the time.
I’d like to have a successful HR career, a fitness fun career, be a part of several volunteer organizations, freelance write, facilitate multiple sports and friend activities for my son. Also have time for all my friends, long vacations and plenty of time to sit on the porch swing and read.. as well as binge watch all the television shows I haven’t. Then add on top of that, still spend time with my family, especially my daughter and grandson who are in the same time/priority conundrum themselves, 4 hours away.
As far as the grandson goes, I love being a young grandma.. but I would also like to be a retired grandma.
I would like to design and build a house, but not go through all the boring planning phases or actually wait for it to be built.
Beyond that, I would just like to own a home, but not actually live in any of the places where I can afford to own a home.
I would like to be fit and healthy, but I also would like to be a fabulous baker and entertainer with fabulous food that I thoroughly enjoy incredibly often.
You get the idea. And my point is not to complain, but to be reasonable, and make my choices and be comfortable in them.
Choose What Matters Most
I might rent, but it’s in a place I love. I might have a long drive to the airport, but the heavy Stars Hollow vibe is well worth it. I might have a crazy busy job, but I thrive on the energy of making a true impact on my organization. I might spend most of the afternoon yelling at my son to be more quiet while I’m on Zoom, but I can always get him to sports on time with no commute. I might hate having my husband a half a world away a lot, but I love the opportunity we are creating there.
Tug Of Wars
What mutually exclusive tug of wars are you in, internally? What have you decided wins out and why? Is it forever, or is it just for now? Should we keep striving for having it all, even if we suspect it’s not… a real thing?
I say yes, I’ll keep striving, keep recalibrating and reprioritizing till I get the best results that exist, every time and in every way.
