Every great movie has a villain…an enemy of some sorts.
- Darth Vader
- Regina George
- The Joker
- Voldemort
- Cruella
- Ursula
- Winifred Sanderson
- Wicked Witch of the West
Did I miss a few? Well, you get the idea!
These villains make the story good and allow the main characters to thrive and shine. And just recently I had a huge AH MOMENT! I realized I had somehow come to the conclusion that I need a villain in my life to make my story great.
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Always Looking For a Villain
I was listening to a speaker who was addressing congress about the division in our county. He made a remarkable statement that hit me right between the eyes. He said “we don’t need an enemy to be great. We don’t need an enemy to push off of or use to make ourselves better.” Now I know he was not talking about moms but oh my how it hit my heart as a mother. And I realized I have lived my life consistently looking for a villain and using that villain to push myself forward…and truthfully make myself feel better.
Ok, right now you may be thinking, “what is this lady talking about!” Let me explain. How many times have you patted yourself on the back as a mom because some other mom has messed up and you say “well at least I don’t do (insert what you may)…
….show up late to places.
….feed my kids McDonalds
…allow my kids on screens.
…let my kid talk back to me.
…be disrespectful.
…hit other children.
Or maybe it is the sneaky whisper of…
…I exclusively breastfeed all my children.
…we only do attachment parenting.
…we follow gentle parenting.
You get the picture. You name it, you know you have thought it. And all of sudden you have made that mother a villain in your life that you use to make yourself look better. I am a good mom because I am better than that mom. We start to measure ourselves as mothers by how much better we are doing than another mom and then we start to look for those moments to reassure ourselves we are doing a good job. And then wham, we have a villain we use to look better, feel better and THINK we are doing better.
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You Don’t Need A Villain
But sweet mama, you don’t need a villain in our life to be a good mom. Being a mom is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. We are all getting it wrong at some point in our parenting. And I’m sure as we get further down the parenting road, we all have our “should haves”, regrets and “I wish I could do over”.
Now, when I see a mom struggling. A mom deep in postpartum depression or a mom working through a tantrum, I don’t see her as a villain and pat myself on the back saying “well at least I am better than her.”
No, now I see myself in her! I see a mom trying so hard. A mom with her own unique, natural gifts and struggles. I see a mom wanting the best for her child. I don’t see a villain anymore, I see a relatable friend. A hero! A beautiful mom!
