In 2014 I began a journey that would forever change my life.
A myriad of factors led me to the doors of the San Diego Health and Human Services Department, to attend a class “What you need to know as a Foster Parent”. I sat in the middle of the room surrounded by every walk of life you can imagine, all with a similar goal. Become a parent of a child.
For the next 12 months I took classes, prepared my home and waited for a phone call. I told myself no matter what I would take the first placement call I receive, and I did. I received a call for a 14-month-old baby boy, who would be in my home for 3 months. He thankfully never left, and I adopted him.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month
November is National Adoption Awareness Month so today I want to share with you my story, but more importantly help to debunk some of the common myths about adoption.
No journey in life is easy. Becoming a mom was always on my “to-do” list. During my marriage we went through infertility treatments, but it was not to be. I recall many Mother’s Days, baby showers, and birth announcements that brought me to tears. That is when I decided to take matters into my own hands. My dad said “What you are doing takes guts! You have guts!”
If you are considering adoption, you have guts too! Don’t get me wrong, it is not scary to adopt a child. It’s exciting! Adoption is a beautiful and life-changing journey, yet it is often shrouded in myths and misconceptions that can deter prospective adoptive parents, birth parents, and even society at large. These misconceptions can perpetuate misunderstandings about the process and the people involved.
Let’s Debunk Some Myths
There are many ways to adopt but I am specifically talking about adoption through foster care.
There is a long waiting list to get a baby:
There are no waiting lists. When a placement social worker is looking for a home for a child who has come into their care, they are able to look at the best placement options. Often babies come in with their siblings and they do want to keep the siblings together. Consider opening your home to multiple children. If there is a single infant, they look at that infant’s needs and call the homes that would be the best fit. My first call was for my son. He was 14 months old. My daughter came to me at 8 days old because my son was her full biological sibling. The myth that you won’t get placed with a baby is just that – a myth.
Children in the Foster System Have Issues:
Children in foster care are there because their family was not able to properly care for them and that does lead to some issues. However, a lot of the children find security in their new stable environment. They are given services, therapy, and developmental help through an IEP or other providers that can help them to regulate and process their trauma. My son came to me not yet walking, with only a few words and behind in development. I was able to get him all the services he needed and at 3 years old he was back on track.
Adopted Children Can’t Bond:
Some people believe that adopted children may have difficulty forming strong emotional bonds with their adoptive families. In reality, adoption is about creating a loving, nurturing environment for a child. The bonds formed in adoptive families are based on love, care, and trust, just like in biological families.
Adoption is a Somewhat Embarrassing and Talking About it is Taboo:
Historically, adoption was often surrounded by secrecy and confidentiality. However, in recent decades, the trend has shifted, and our society seems to embrace this journey more. I say shout it from the rooftop. When I speak to my children about it, I am always transparent and answer their questions honestly using age-appropriate language. Being open, honest, and empowering a child with their story allows them to not see it as strange or weird rather another type of family.
I Cannot Afford to Adopt:
A common myth is that adoption is prohibitively expensive and that only affluent families can afford to adopt. Adopting through the foster care system you do not need to have a large income. You need to be able to prove that you can care for your family financially, but there is not a threshold of income needed. You are also reimbursed for your care and that reimbursement does not end when you adopt. Currently foster/adoptive parents in the state of California receive $1,129 a month to assist in the care of the child. Additionally, the child will have their own medical and dental insurance. There are also many programs that can assist with college funds and grants for activities such as soccer or ballet.
A Gift
Adoption is a gift, a testament to the beauty of diversity, and an affirmation that family is defined by love, not by blood. The process may be challenging, but the rewards are immeasurable. The impact of adoption resonates through the lives of the child, birth parents, adoptive parents, and society as a whole. It is a reminder that love knows no boundaries and that the bonds of family can be forged through the power of choice, compassion, and unwavering commitment to nurturing the next generation. Adoption truly exemplifies the profound and enduring capacity of humanity to love and care for one another.
Note: It is my goal to speak openly to anyone considering taking this journey. Please reach out to me here and I am happy to speak with you. It has profoundly changed my life for the better and it can yours too!
