For years I used to beat myself up. I used to be filled with so many regrets!
The Missed Performance
One Christmas I was not able to attend my twin daughters’ first preschool, Christmas performance. I had just started a new job and chose to make the sacrifice to go to work to get paid. My job back then was a contractor position and I was trying to make a good impression to become permanent. I asked my mom to go in my place. She recorded the memories for me. Plus, she was quite tickled by my youngest daughter’s performance. She described to me that the other kids looked like their faces were painted with stage fright. But my daughter, AKA, ‘Miss Thing’ was in her element. Giving the performance of a lifetime. Even her twin was channeling stage fright!! No one else existed in my baby girl’s world!! She was the shining star. Knowing the words and knowing all the steps. Nothing could stop her.
Yes, I was crushed that I didn’t get to see this epic, preschool performance in person. But unfortunately, I had to make a decision. I was a single mom at the time. And I couldn’t afford to take the time off but there was still regret.
I Have Made Peace
Now, years later, I have made peace with missing this holiday performance. I have come to a place where I don’t regret that decision. I still have had years to catch many more performances and this would not be the last. A few months later both of my daughters would end up going to a new preschool. By then I had obtained a permanent position with my job.
Also, my daughters were so young at the time that they didn’t understand about a parent being absent. The loss was more mine than it was theirs. At this point in my life, I am prepared to answer future questions if they ever do come up.
A New Opportunity
Years later I would get the opportunity to stay at home with them. They may have been older but they have enjoyed the extra time I have had with them. They can at least say…. I remember my mom picking me up from school and not from after school care. We could sneak off to a movie after school or go to Universal Studios on a weekday for a couple of hours and not wait until the weekend. Or better yet spend more time with mommy.
There Will Always Be Regrets
There will, of course, always be things that we regret. Like why didn’t I take them to the doctor sooner or why didn’t I just buy the bigger size shirt in the first place.
We have to keep in mind we weren’t born with a crystal ball and for the most part we are doing the best we can. Given the situation we’ve been dealt. No, I longer let myself have regrets.