We sat at my parents’ house drinking coffee and mimosas, eating cinnamon rolls, and taking turns opening presents. It was our first Christmas as a married couple.
I reached for a gift from my husband. Practical gift givers that we are, I thought I’d be receiving a toaster oven and, quite honestly, was so excited about it. I tore off the red and green Happy Holidays wrapping paper and sat momentarily shocked and confused.
Before me lay no beautifully crafted stainless steel toaster oven, but a clear, plastic shoe-sized box. Neatly written in black sharpie on the sides and top was, “Katie’s Rage-A-Haul Supply Snacks For the Car” filled with granola bars, bottled waters, beef jerky, nuts, and more.
My sweet husband had created a GO-BAG (or in this case, box) full of resources that would help him prevent an apocalyptic epoch brought on by my low blood sugar. Initially, I was a little embarrassed. But after a moment looking through its contents, I realized this was an excellent gift for my well being and his too. His determination? No husband lost at the hands of my rage and growling stomach.
To this day, it’s still one of my favorite gifts he’s given me.
One thing I appreciate about my husband is the thoughtful ways he cares for me in a way I don’t even take care of myself sometimes. He reminds me that I have basic, physical needs that must be tended to in order to maintain mental, emotional, and even spiritual stability.
20 years ago that reminder came in the form of a rage-a-haul go-box for a wife whom he knew didn’t always care for her herself adequately.
It Doesn’t Get Easier
I’d like to say that over the years I’ve learned to take better care of myself and in some ways that’s probably true.
But moms everywhere understand that as our families grow, so does the increasing difficulty of tending to our own needs. We often put ourselves last, push pause on our careers or dreams, and sacrifice our minds and bodies for the good of those around us.
Honestly, our families are worth it and it’s an honorable and noble venture to raise children. It’s right and good to live self sacrificially for those who are in our care.
But what happens when we forget that we, as moms, are human beings who have needs too?
RELATED TOPIC: When You Get Lost in Motherhood
Confession
I don’t always drink enough water. My hair, skin, nails, and exhaustion level can feel it.
I try to make sure the kids eat a well balanced diet, but I settle for eating whatever I can find instead of caring for my own nutrition.
I stay up way too late most nights either because there’s still so much to get done or it’s the only quiet moment of my day. I wake up the next morning feeling worn out but do it over and over again.
I make excuses not to exercise regularly because I have no time, yet often feel out of place in my own body.
I say yes too often even though I really don’t want to, but feel guilty about saying no. And then I feel guilty that I’ve said yes. It’s a vicious cycle.
And occasionally (ok…more often than not) lose count of when I last showered.
You too?
Maybe, if you’re like me, caring for your own basic needs has always been difficult. Not because you don’t care about yourself, but because you tend to care about other things so much more.
Maybe motherhood isn’t the reason you drink more coffee and less water, but it’s also not not the reason.
Maybe there’s an external factor that makes caring for yourself difficult—finances, family support, resources.
Maybe you’d really like to take care of yourself more but if you’re completely honest, you’re not even sure if that’s allowed. What will others think?
Or maybe the enemy isn’t another person, but the shame that lives inside us because we don’t value our own well being as much as someone else’s.
Me too, me too.
Let’s Take Care of Each Other
We all need a husband, partner, friend, teammate to remind us that we have needs that are worth being taken care of. You are worth being taken care of.
Perhaps you feel supported and well cared for. What a gift! Is there someone that comes to mind who you could offer support and care for? If not, I’d be willing to bet you won’t have to look very far to find someone.
Let’s take care of each other.
Go ahead and drink the coffee, but drink the water too.
Eat a good meal and take time to enjoy it.
Grab a friend and go for a walk outside.
Say no to the thing you really don’t want to do and remind yourself that that’s ok.
Get some sleep friend. Take the nap, leave the dishes, hand the baby over to a trusted friend for an hour.
Don’t fret the season. Life is busy and hectic, but likely it won’t be like this forever.
Do the thing that gives you joy and life. And if possible, help others do the same.
Accept the rage-a-haul box full of resources. It’s a gift of kindness to be reminded that we have needs and are worth being cared for.
